Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Magnatom in Bad Cycling Shocker!!!

NEWS JUST IN: It has been reported that Magnatom, a cyclist who our sources suggest thinks that he is perfect and beyond reproach, has been caught on video by another road user cycling in a dangerous and selfish manner.

Magnatom who normally cycles between Torrance and Glasgow has apparently been sneaking off to Springside, Ayrshire hoping to avoid the paparazzi (that continually follow and speed past him cycling on carbon fibre Bianchi bikes), to let his hair down and to flout the rules of the road.

Professor Von Driver from the Institute of Fast Acceleration STudies (FAST) suggests, 'Magnatom is obviously feeling the stress of being perfect all of the time and has decided to relieve the pressure by heading to the sticks, and you don't get more sticks than Ayrshire, and breaking a few rules'.

Von Driver having viewed the footage thinks, '..the publication of this footage will definitely erode any remaining credibility Magnatom had left after his sheep incident, meaning that he will surely take the car in future.....this will definitely make the roads safer for everyone else....I know I can sleep easier having this menace off the streets.'

We, here at The Daily Mind, can exclusively bring you the footage for you to make your own minds up.

The Daily Mind managed to catch up with Magnatom in his evil layer where he spends his time scheming up new ways of delaying drivers and knocking down little old ladies. Magnatom would not speak to us directly, which was just as well, considering he said he could speak Scots on his recently filled in census form. He did, however decided to give us the following statement written on the back of copy of Primary Position Weekly.

'I must admit, when I first viewed the footage myself I was concerned that I may have let my halo slip, the rider is certainly taking a primary position (on the right). However, look carefully at the footage. The cyclist in the video was holding a copy of The Sun, and possibly had an ice-cream in his other hand. That can't possibly be me, as I only read The Independent, and would be drinking a glass of Merlot, not eating ice cream.'

The Daily Mind remains unconvinced.

In related news go to page 8 to read our story about how wearing lycra can give you cancer....

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