Friday 1 April 2011

Place Where Cycling is NOT Advised - Part 2

Your going on holiday to Blackpool. Yippee! It's time for Kiss Me Quick hats and candy floss. What else do you need to make the holiday great? That's right just one more thing, your mountain bike!

Your mountain bike? Why would you need a mountain bike in Blackpool? It's as flat as a pancake. No mountains for miles?

Ah, but when planning your route, you decided to take in a small detour of the Pleasure Beach. :-) What could be more fun than hopping off your bike every couple of hundred metres to jump on an exhilarating ride, or get scared witless (or bored shi...) on the ghost train. Wooooohooo indeed.

But being the adventurous type, that just doesn't seem exciting or thrilling enough. Anyway who needs to be strapped into a carriage on the Big One, when you have brought your trusty dual suspension super machine?

Anyway you came across this footage of someone driving around it.

If you can drive it in a car, there is absolutely no reason why you can't ride it on a bike. There were no 'No Cycling' signs in that clip.
We have the same rights as car drivers, don't you know!!!

So you plan your route with special attention to jumps and a plan to avoid cycling over peoples heads (shoulders are much more stable).

That should do it. So off you set on the first climb.

You start off and are soon startled by your speedy ascent of the first climb. It rises from near sea level up to 235 ft in a short distance. This should definitely feel harder. It's only when you realise that the clattering noise you can hear is a moving belt, that you happen to be riding on and is aiding your climb, that you realise what is going.

How thoughtful was that! An excellent idea for novice cyclists attempting their first big hill. Cycling needs to be encouraged so I might just contact my local councillors about this when I get home. 

Despite having the climbing aptitude of a mountain goat, you decide to take the help all the way up. Why not, I can also blog a review of how good it is afterwards.

You reach the top of the first climb hardly out of breath, at least until you take your first look at the first drop.

Mmmm, definitely a technical downhill....

Still you've trained for this day cycling over a ladder laid in your back garden so you're ready for anything.  Weeeeeeee.......Well, not so much weeeeee as in wee...bump....wee....bump.....wee....bump.....wee....bump

It's like the ultimate succession of speed bumps, and it's stopping you from reaching the quoted 74mph on the downhill. Strange...bump...what...bump...have...bump...they....bump...put....bump...bump (getting faster) put....bump...bump... that....bump....bump...there....bump...bump...for?

You look to the sides of you and see that there are some smooth safety barriers to each side. They do look strangely worn in places. Am I supposed to cycle there? I'm good but not Danny MacAskill good!

You reach down and unlock your suspension and things improve drastically. Brilliant!.

At the bottom you've picked up some speed, which is nice as the first ascent looms ahead. With all the bumps it looks difficult, but your up for the challenge. Kick down a few gears and go for it. It's at this point that your spidey sense kicks in.

Mmmm. somethings not quite right.....and what is that rumbling coming from behind me? Must be a CTC group ride coming up from behind. 

So you double your effort. You can't have ladies and gents in tweed jackets overtaking you! Yet, they seem to be getting closer, and if your hearing is not deceiving you, closer at approximately 74 miles an hour.

Must be on electric bikes.

The noise continues to get closer, and closer, and you can make out the sound of high pitched screams, mixed in with the now deafening rumble. 

Ah, the riders behind must have just realised that Brompton's, with their small wheels just aren't designed for Roller Coasters. 

With that in mind, in fact with that being the second last thing to ever be on your mind,  you are then swept along with what you can only assume is a... 

.....screaming, tweed wearing Peloton of very fit electric Brompton cyclists..........

There's a sentence you don't hear every day.....


  1. I hate to ask but have you been taking all the tablets you are supposed to do or have you been hiding some from the nurse?

  2. LOL! :-) There's plenty more where that came from. (Just experimenting with some content)